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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?